I am asked frequently why I look “angry” or “irritated” when walking through the halls or while going about my normal, everyday activities. The majority of the time, it’s just a combination of the way my face looks at rest and a dramatically protruding under bite. On the slight chance that it is not just my natural appearance giving the false impression of rage, it is probably one of the many things I hate. Here is a list of ten things I hate in case anyone wanted to get to know me better. (These are not in order by level of hatred)

Cats

I am convinced that reincarnation is real and every bad person who dies is rebirthed into the large rodents that cats are. Every cat encounter I have had has resulted in a stronger distaste for the vicious creatures. Never trust a “cat person”.

Push Faucets

I can’t be the only person who hates push faucets. The inventor of this terrible excuse for a faucet obviously did not take into consideration the concept of recontamination. After soaping my hands and washing them partially, the faucet will shut off without warning, forcing me to reconnect with the germs I started with. Push faucets are the epitome of a “vicious cycle” and they defeat the whole purpose of washing hands.

Audio Books

Is it really that difficult to open a book and have your inner dialogue voice the story for you instead of a monotone, sleep-inducing narrator? I never understood the point of audio books and I hope the fad starts to die off.

Fake Laughter

This one really grinds my gears. If you are going to use a fake laugh, at least make an effort to perfectly execute it. If your faux laughter is noticeably not genuine, I suggest you stick to not laughing at all. I would rather tell a joke resulting in complete silence than witness a fake laugh.

Affection

Bleh. If I don’t give you permission to touch me, do not touch me. Also, I hate PDA. I understand why it’s a thing but it can get really excessive sometimes. To all the couples out there who love to display affection publicly: please calm down a little, you are being separated for 50 minutes of class. It’ll all be okay if you don’t touch each other between every class.

Compliments

Compliments can be nice, but the only thing that bothers me is the inner turmoil that occurs immediately after receiving one. If I say “thank you” without trying to argue and sound humble, will they assume I’m pompous? If I try to argue and sound humble, will they think I’m fishing for another compliment? There really is no way to win. Also, am I supposed to compliment them back?

Fashion

I obviously still do not understand the concept of fashion and it shows in my constant recycling of Nike shorts and T-shirts.

Cold Weather

If the temperature is below 75 degrees, it is cold. I only expect one thing from Florida and it is the ability to stay warm annually.

People With Speakers In Their Backpacks

At first, there was only one kid walking around campus blaring music from his backpack. Then, they started multiplying. I just don’t understand how in a world where headphones are so easily available something like this is a common occurrence. Not everyone likes your taste in music. Keep it to yourself.

Lists That Constrain Me to Only Ten Things

This list could go on and on. Frankly, it would’ve been easier to list ten things that I don’t hate.